Tech Review: The iBLEAH (or at least that’s what the owner calls it)

Let me make this clear – the object being reviewed is undoubtedly a SOLID PIECE OF CRAP. I am not even going to make excuses for it.

From time to time I get to see seriously weird gadgets, and by that I mean stuff that were made so badly, without any effort or thought going into the design, and probably manufacturing into a single product for sale just to get rid of unwanted, crappy parts that no decent manufacturer wants.

“Shanzai” is the chinese term for imitation products, and is often used in the tech industry to describe knock-off lookalikes of popular tech gadgets like iPhones and iPads made by disgusting Cheena manufacturers. The quality of shanzai items ranges from complete lookalike (which may cost you almost the price of a real one) or a half-fuck knock-off that only slightly resembles the real thing. One common point of all these stanza products? The software, or operating system is always SHITTE. More often than not they run some older version of Android, and since Android is free, any joker can shove Android into their crap shanzai item and call it a tablet. Where else did you think all that Android marketshare came from?

This object I am “reviewing” today, after a lot of careful inspection, seems to be a shanzai Original iPad.

It is truly the finest work of art, with “the greatest of originality and innovation”, or at least that is what Samsung will say about all shameless knockoffs anyway. Samsung’s idea of innovation has always been “look at customers’ designs after accepting manufacturing orders, copies the designs, rejects the orders, make a product based on the customers’ designs, print the Samsung badge on it”. Perfect and flawless strategy.

Specs/Details

Manufacturer: Unknown Cheena Manufacturer
Price: Unknown
Category: Shanzai Wannabe iPad Original
OS: Android 1.6
Display: Unresponsive pressure-based touchscreen, resolution unknown
Chipset/CPU: Unknown
Place of purchase: China

The display is horrible

The extremely low resolution pressure-based touchscreen display is so bad, that I am having difficulty reading smaller elements on the screen. The touchscreen part is so bad that despite frequently pressing and poking, the screen rarely responses to my touch. I guess the display is still enough for displaying low resolution photos. Oh, and the light leakage is DAMN BAD.

Speed. Or the lack of.

In other words, it took me 5 whole minutes to boot the thing up to its home screen. I’m not even sure why it is that slow. Apps open dog slow, and only after frequent pokes of the screen, even scrolling in Android Browser was extremely lagging and unresponsive.

Conclusion

I guess the item’s cheap and all, and will make for an interesting toy for a day or two, but I still cannot understand the logic behind purchasing junk. It doesn’t work, it doesn’t do anything. It doesn’t even look like the original iPad enough to fake your tech-idiot friends. Makes for a great paper weight though – the thing is really heavy!


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